Friday, August 24, 2012

Beginner's Guide to Wine, Part 2: Lessons Learned

1.  A wine you buy for five dollars will taste like a five-dollar wine.  If this wisdom comes tragically late, tonight might be a good night to make spaghetti sauce.

2.  Those little chewy brown bits were not present before you opened the bottle.  Reconsider your method for removing corks.

3.  Refrain from swirling the wine while simultaneously inserting your nose inside the glass and inhaling deeply.

4.  If you are holding out a glass of wine in anticipation of a refill, make use of verbal and nonverbal communication to indicate that your glass is stable and in position for the pour.  Alternatively, invest in burgundy and black clothing.

5.  Due to the structure of a wine glass, a full glass of wine is top heavy.  Keep this in mind when making a last minute decision to move a coffee or end table already supporting a glass or two.  Plan your path carefully as you navigate your hand across the dinner table for another piece of bread.